The Never-ending Search for Healing and Lack of Integration

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Sometimes we need to put the brakes on our journey and stop trying to heal and seeking more shadow work and inner alchemy. We don't always need more healing, but to embrace where we are, embody the healed aspects and reclaim the rediscovered gifts, and integrate them into our being

This is a pattern that many healers or alchemists whom practice radical self honesty and accountability often get trapped in. 

I myself, am guilty of it. 

Self-accountability can backfire and trap you into old patterns. 

We can get so stuck on seeking deep inner shadow work and self accountability, that we bypass our gifts and revert back to seeing the healed aspects of ourselves, through a distorted perception

To the point of taking self-accountability that doesn't belong to us and seeing trauma within where it doesn't exist, and believing that these healed aspects or even our gifts are something that needs more healing 

It will create the same cycles we had once created through the unhealed aspects of ourselves. So we once again, assume deeper healing needs to occur to rid this cyclic pattern. 

It's a new territory. 
A new way of living.
It's a new vision
We've never been here before. 
We just simply lack the space of integration and embodiment.

I came to the realization of how this had played out within my own life. I saw where I wasn't integrating my healing and gifts in aspects of my life because, I was always seeking more and more healing. I was taking self-accountability that didn't belong to me. 

I had a slip up recently with my intuition. 
But the script flipped. 

My intuition stronger than ever, fully alive and online now, instead of dull thus ignoring it in the past – i went from a blind sense of trust and safety, to seeing the lack of safety I felt and the guard I put up as a trauma response that needed deeper healing. 

It wasn't. 

I was trying to force my walls down to a dangerous connection. I wasn't fully integrated and saw the healed version of myself as needing more healing. It created a dualistic battle within. I ended up in the same cyclic pattern I had found myself in over and over again prior to healing. 

All of us on the healers and Alchemists path fall into this at some point, or repeatedly. 

Sometimes, we need to just stop for awhile 
And breath life into this new territory and the gifts that have awoken from their dormancy

The constant search for healing, 
Is also a trauma response.

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